Unfortunately, a lot of my homeschooling days felt like this. The most difficult part of homeschooling was feeling judged by other Christian moms. Some of it was just my imagination, but a fair amount of it was not.
When it comes to homeschooling, don't let the public fool you, we had a wonderful social life and I believe my daughter, Lydia, got a great education that catered to her needs.
There were plenty of good people in our group, and only a few critics, but for me, the critics seemed to be running the show; they had the loudest voices. I experienced a lot of judgement on my parenting skills, my choices concerning movies, television, fashion, and books. After much discouragement and hurt, I cried out to God for direction. He whispered the word "Pious" (making a hypocritical display of virtue) to my heart. He showed me how even Paul and Barnabas parted ways (Acts 15:39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other). Stepping away was lonely, but it was the best thing for me and my daughter at that time. I didn't want my daughter viewing Christians as pious.
Eventually, my daughter and I left the Christian homeschool community. We continued to homeschool on our own. We needed to focus on building our self-esteem and letting God shape us, not our fears of what others might think of us.
During this trying time, the Lord gave me a beautiful devotion on loneliness by L. B. E. Cowman in Streams in the Dessert. "A life that is dedicated to God knows divine fellowship, no matter how many human friendships have had to be forfeited along the way. Learn to walk alone with Him as Moses, Abraham, Paul and Jesus did. Allow God to isolate you. It is in the experience of isolation that the Lord develops an independence of life and of faith so that the soul no longer depends on the continual help, prayers, faith and care of others. The assistance and inspiration from others are necessary, and they have a place in a Christian's development, but at times they can actually become a hindrance to a person's faith and welfare."
The conclusion I came to is that this life is full of disappointments, hurt, and sacrifice. God is much bigger than all of that. My first two children went to public school. My eldest made it through without peer pressure, but she didn't escape the cruel comments and bullying friends. On the other hand, my son was pretty popular and followed his friends right into the world of partying. My last daughter was home-schooled and hurt the most by her best friends. The bottom line is all of my children have graduated and moved on with their lives. They are all well adjusted and excelling. They live their lives committed to the Lord. I am very proud of them.
God sacrificed his own son and Abraham was called to sacrifice his child. We cannot escape the pains of this world, but I am happy to report that if handled correctly, these trials can make us stronger.
I don't regret my homeschooling experience. We have lots of wonderful memories. The good outweighs the bad and I wouldn't change a thing. We met wonderful people along the way. I have learned many things about myself and my daughter and we were forced to seek the Lord and grow. It is not my job to convince people I am spiritual. I don't need to have disclaimers for my behavior. In the book, The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg says. "Instead of focusing on the boundaries, Jesus focuses on the center, the heart of spiritual life. Boundaries can give us a sense of superiority. The true heart of spiritual life is love of God and people. We can tragically think we are becoming more spiritual when we are becoming more judgmental." Let us ask ourselves, the more scripture we know - are we becoming more loving? more patient? more understanding?
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