Thoughts on Homeschooling

Unfortunately, a lot of my homeschooling days felt like this.  The most difficult part of homeschooling was feeling judged by other Christian moms.  Some of it was just my imagination, but a fair amount of it was not.

When it comes to homeschooling, don't let the public fool you, we had a wonderful social life and I believe my daughter, Lydia, got a great education that catered to her needs.

There were plenty of good people in our group, and only a few critics, but for me, the critics seemed to be running the show; they had the loudest voices.  I experienced a lot of judgement on my parenting skills, my choices concerning movies, television, fashion, and books.  After much discouragement and hurt, I cried out to God for direction.  He whispered the word "Pious" (making a hypocritical display of virtue) to my heart.  He showed me how even Paul and Barnabas parted ways (Acts 15:39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other).  Stepping away was lonely, but it was the best thing for me and my daughter at that time. I didn't want my daughter viewing Christians as pious.

Eventually, my daughter and I left the Christian homeschool community.  We continued to homeschool on our own.  We needed to focus on building our self-esteem and letting God shape us, not our fears of what others might think of us.

During this trying time, the Lord gave me a beautiful devotion on loneliness by L. B. E. Cowman in Streams in the Dessert.  "A life that is dedicated to God knows divine fellowship, no matter how many human friendships have had to be forfeited along the way. Learn to walk alone with Him as Moses, Abraham, Paul and Jesus did.  Allow God to isolate you.  It is in the experience of isolation that the Lord develops an independence of life and of faith so that the soul no longer depends on the continual help, prayers, faith and care of others.  The assistance and inspiration from others are necessary, and they have a place in a Christian's development, but at times they can actually become a hindrance to a person's faith and welfare."

The conclusion I came to is that this life is full of disappointments, hurt, and sacrifice.  God is much bigger than all of that.  My first two children went to public school.  My eldest made it through without peer pressure, but she didn't escape the cruel comments and bullying friends.  On the other hand, my son was pretty popular and followed his friends right into the world of partying. My last daughter was home-schooled and hurt the most by her best friends.  The bottom line is all of my children have graduated and moved on with their lives.  They are all well adjusted and excelling.  They live their lives committed to the Lord.  I am very proud of them.

God sacrificed his own son and Abraham was called to sacrifice his child.  We cannot escape the pains of this world, but I am happy to report that if handled correctly, these trials can make us stronger. 

I don't regret my homeschooling experience.  We have lots of wonderful memories.  The good outweighs the bad and I wouldn't change a thing.  We met wonderful people along the way.  I have learned many things about myself and my daughter and we were forced to seek the Lord and grow.  It is not my job to convince people I am spiritual.  I don't need to have disclaimers for my behavior.  In the book, The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg says. "Instead of focusing on the boundaries, Jesus focuses on the center, the heart of spiritual life.  Boundaries can give us a sense of superiority.  The true heart of spiritual life is love of God and people.  We can tragically think we are becoming more spiritual when we are becoming more judgmental."  Let us ask ourselves, the more scripture we know - are we becoming more loving? more patient? more understanding?

Do It Afraid

I love Gideon.  He is my kindred spirit.  He is fearful, never sure of himself and always asking questions.  Thankfully, that didn't stop God from using him in a mighty way.  That gives me hope.

The story is in the book of Judges - Chapters 6 and 7

Chapter 6

It begins with the Israelites disobeying God.  So what does God do?  He lets the enemy have control over them. Some of the people were so scared that they ran and hid.  Others made strongholds.  Every time the Israelites tried to plant crops, the enemy stole from them and destroyed everything.  Eventually, the enemy took everything.

After trying it on their own, they beg God for His help.  The People of Israel, reduced to grinding poverty by Midian, cried out to God for help. God says "You have idols".

In my own life, I ask myself who or what is controlling me, where do I run when faced with trouble, and what distractions do I have that replace my dependence on God?

We find Gideon hiding from the enemy and yet, God asks for his help. God informs Gideon that He is helping him and He calls him a strong warrior.  “God is with you, O mighty warrior!”  By earthly standards, this would not appear to be the case.  But we don't walk by sight, we walk by faith and God calls Gideon a strong warrior.

In verse 13, Gideon asks God why these things are happening. Gideon replied, “God is with me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about? The Lord answers him.

Many times I have heard Christians say, "don't ask God why".  But in this case, God answers him and shows Him where the problem lies.

⁸ That the Lord sent a prophet unto the children of Israel, which said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I brought you up from Egypt, and brought you forth out of the house of bondage;
⁹ And I delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all that oppressed you, and drave them out from before you, and gave you their land;
¹⁰ And I said unto you, I am the Lord your God; fear not the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but ye have not obeyed my voice.

In Verse 14 God sends Gideon to fight.  We must also fight our battles to gain our victory and capture our spoils. I love Gideon's response in verse 15 "Gideon said to him, “Me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”  God said to him, “I’ll be with you. Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.”

Next Gideon offers a sacrifice.  Can we make a sacrifice for God, a show of our willingness to trust Him?  Now here is the part I can relate to the most.  Gideon is not sure.  He asks God for a sign and not once, but eventually, a total of three times. Graciously, God grants his request.  

Gideon builds an altar, showing God his willingness.  He is afraid, but does it anyway.  Verse 27  Gideon selected ten men from his servants and did exactly what God had told him. But because of his family and the people in the neighborhood, he was afraid to do it openly, so he did it that night.  

The enemy arises from sleep and is not happy.  God’s Spirit comes over Gideon.  We have this spirit in us.  Gideon gathers help and heads toward (not away from) the enemy camp.  He still has hesitation, doubt and fear.  Gideon said to God, “If this is right, if you are using me to save Israel as you’ve said, then look: I’m placing a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If dew is on the fleece only, but the floor is dry, then I know that you will use me to save Israel, as you said.  And it was so: for he rose up early on the morrow, and thrust the fleece together, and wringed the dew out of the fleece, a bowl full of water.  Then Gideon said to God, “Don’t be impatient with me, but let me say one more thing. I want to try another time with the fleece. But this time let the fleece stay dry, while the dew drenches the ground.”  And God is still gracious and patient with him.

Chapter 7

Gideon's faith is stretched when he realizes the intensity of the battle and how little he has to offer.  
God said to Gideon, “You have too large an army with you. I can’t turn Midian over to them like this—they’ll take all the credit, saying, ‘I did it all myself,’ and forget about me. God said to Gideon: “I’ll use the three hundred men who lapped at the stream to save you and give Midian into your hands. All the rest may go home.

Once again, I see God's loving patience and grace with Gideon. Verse 10-15 If you have any doubts about going down, go down with Purah your armor bearer; when you hear what they’re saying, you’ll be bold and confident.  Gideon arrived just in time to hear a man tell his friend a dream. He said, “I had this dream: A loaf of barley bread tumbled into the Midianite camp. It came to the tent and hit it so hard it collapsed. The tent fell!”  His friend said, “This has to be the sword of Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite! God has turned Midian—the whole camp!—over to him.” When Gideon heard the telling of the dream and its interpretation, he went to his knees before God in prayer. Then he went back to the Israelite camp and said, “Get up and get going! God has just given us the Midianite army!”

And so the enemy was defeated.  They stood every man in his place round about the camp; and all the host ran, and cried, and fled.

I can't help but be inspired by this beautiful story of how God used a seemingly fearful, doubtful man in such a gracious, patient way.